maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fuck appropriateness.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
