how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
