Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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