She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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