the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
