just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
