Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I touched a dick in church today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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