he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
