omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize