Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
