Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
