dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
