Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
