Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
