I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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