So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
