Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
