A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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