Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
