if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize