i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
