The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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