so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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