I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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