I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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