I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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