the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
