you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
