tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
