Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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