Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My vagina is officially offended.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
