Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
