You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
