All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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