I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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