Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a search helicopter?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
