why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
