I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
