there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
