Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
