i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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