just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
