He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So much rum. So many feels.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
