I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
