i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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