Screwed.edu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
whose parrot is this?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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