11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
