you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
