So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
