she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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