I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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