6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A+ Viking dick
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