I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
