There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
