what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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