this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
