Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize