Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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