I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
