Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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