elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
