well I can't set my house on fire every night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
