Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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