well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
