Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
