Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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