dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
