he thought i was a dude.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
