his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
