I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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