living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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