Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
