He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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