Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
